somedays are just about

 staying alive until the sun goes down and I can go to sleep. If I have to put forth effort to make it a good day then I'm likely fighting something or someone out of my control and the harder I fight the longer it sticks around. 

I need more therapy. 

I need more sleep.

I need something to motivate me to make the first days of public school awesome for my kids.

I need something to make me care, just a little bit. 

good news, it's already 4:15pm and soon I will get to excuse myself from consciousness for a little while. 

side note, I did actually enjoy my time at the lake today. The sun was warm, the water cold, my new swimsuit was comfortable and so was my skin. If nothing else matters today and I don't wake up tomorrow, I was allowed a day to not judge myself in my new suit.  cheers.