"We give ourselves self-compassion not to feel better

 but because we feel bad.  Self compassion does help us to feel better, but if in a moment of suffering we put our hand on our heart or say kind things to ourselves with the intention to get rid of our pain, it becomes a hidden form of resistance that will just make things worse.  What we resist, persists and grows stronger. Instead, we must fully accept that things are painful, and simply be kind to ourselves, BECAUSE they are painful." -Kristin Neff, Fierce Self-Compassion 

 I'm learning more from this book than I had thought I would when I first started it. It goes along with what I am already trying to learn and what others have told me and been trying to teach me. Angel told me from the beginning "What we resist, persists" this thought told to me again in this book in the context of self-compassion, has brought to mind this thought.  

I used to write down my thoughts first thing in the morning when my brain was a mess. I would believe some or all of them.  When I was taught to challenge my thoughts, I continued writing them down, but I wouldn't believe all of them any more. I would still cling to some though, and they made each day harder. Then I started writing down my first thoughts from the morning and burning them, or ripping them up and flushing them down the toilet, as if I needed to disregard them completely.  What we resist, persists. I found myself still holding on to the same thoughts that were bringing me pain.  Wait, I thought I flushed you? I guess I can't even hold on to the thought that my thoughts were somehow gone when I physically removed them from my sight.

Now I think I might understand what I'm supposed to do with the thoughts that are causing me pain. It is Byron Katie's inquiry, but it's also the self-compassion piece, which I know these go hand in hand, sort of.  Byron Katie would ask me "Is it true?" That always makes me look at things logically, but sometimes they are true, and they hurt. So maybe when I write all my thoughts in the morning, I can say to myself, "look at all the human ways you are dealing with the things that are happening to you, that ARE TRUE and are out of your control." 

Keep it up. 

You are normal, at least as far as 'normal' means human and therefore unpredictable and wild. 

keep doing the best you can with what you have. 

I love you.