What's even the point?

 to be truly despised. I have despised myself so deeply.  I don't know what it feels like for others when they feel loved, but I know that feeling because I have found it for myself.  I love myself.  I love living in my body.  I love the feeling of being completely in my body. I love being in tune with my soul, my infinite self. The God that lives within me. When something comes up, when a thought, inspiration moves to me to tears, action, peace, I know that what it is telling me is truth.  Two days ago I was inspired, nudged forward into a space of forward thinking.  What would it take to be a yoga teacher? No, I'm not a yogi, I'm not yogi material. I could never...but what if I could? What if this is the thing I need to sit up and pay attention to? does it match anything I have ever thought about myself? does it match who I am or who I want to be? yes, to all these questions. I love and want what yoga and meditation gives to me and I want to give it ...

And that was a fun feeling. I connected with someone who lives in a completely different time zone and with whom I have no other connections. We were not introduced by a mutual friend. We did not know anything about one another before today. This is what I find fascinating and encouraging about the Internet. It brings us together. We are all everyone. We are, each of us, the universe contained in a mortal physical body with an eternal energy. Being able to meet someone else with whom I can share this universality, without leaving my home, this is remarkable. Could the potential for unity among humans get any easier? And yet it seems so many are still resisting a sense of common humanity. It's incredible the technology we have and I am truly grateful that I was able to make a new friend outside of my usual circle of people that I know. I feel like I have arrived at a moment that will forever change my life. I'm actually excited.

 or rotten soda? the latest in the long line of questions my son asks me on a daily basis. We are constantly playing desert island, through the homework, chores, driving, soccer.  Every moment of down time is a chance for me to decide between 2 very unpleasant things. The irony of decision making, unpleasantness and the "island-ness" of my existence is not lost on me, however my son doesn't seem to grasp the reality of the effect of all his philosophical questions.  The incessant line of evasive questions that demand an answer on the spot has left me somewhat drained. I'm a introvert by nature, living in a world and reality that has positioned me to become, if not 'good at' then at least ''D+"  at my extroversion skills.  Conversation, putting myself out there, working in a classroom and school full of people, has taken most of the emotional bandwidth that I have. Remembering now the many reasons why I decided to quit teaching full time. It's ...

 Please make a deposit.  I've never really thought about how I can make deposits and withdraws from my own emotional bank account.  I watch the numbers in my money accounts rise and fall, it's factual. logical. you spend the money, you earn the money the numbers don't lie.  When I have something happen that drains my account, nearly empty, I need to fill it up again before I can keep going. I feel drained right now. It took everything I had to do the planning session for the week. Kids here, kids there, money, schedules. I was running low and now I'm empty. So how to fill up my account? How to bring my feels to where I am able to give myself and others the compassion we all need and deserve.  This is the moment to go inward and upward. This is the time I get to give myself what I need.  It seems like this is the part that should come easy. What do YOU want Andrea? What things are going to serve as distraction and what actions will fill my pitcher? Which of ...

 Having the space to see clearly. To sit comfortably with yourself and your thoughts and not be weighed down by the anchor that is heavy emotion. To let go of what is troubling you, but in a way that is not forceful or passive. To feel relief at the passing of a thought. To be content to surrender to the idea that you know nothing. To let the waves wash over you and push you into a rock. To feel the spray of the waterfall as you float by and just let it hit you. Make you cold. Startle you into aliveness. It is liberating to allow your mind to wander freely to all the possibilities that might come your way. Maybe something will happen, maybe nothing will happen.  Maybe today is one of the days that you get to appreciate the stillness that is an uneventful day.  Maybe something exciting, sad or scary will happen.  Love whatever it is that will come your way. Notice it. Acknowledge the passing of the sun over your head and surrender to the life that you have no control ...

 but not like a morbid or foreboding kind of place. I'm in a quiet, dark, warm, resting kind of place. One that is safe and calm. Like me.  I'm at rest inside myself. Tranquility is my companion. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore, literally or figuratively. I used to be so afraid of the dark when I was a child. I tried to come up with a way to turn off my lights from the safety of my bed. I hated the walk from the opposite side of the room turning off my lights to get into bed. I didn't have a lamp near my bed always, so I would rig strings and pulleys to try and flip the switch from my bed. my skills have never really been in engineering, and so naturally, it never worked.  I just had to flip the switch and run for it, lest something get me in the 4 step walk to my bed.  It was a small room.  I did get a lamp to have by my bed eventually.  It was a pretty little thing with a frosted glass lamp shade, and a gold metal frame.  It was a touch lamp, whic...